I want to first say that I LOVE Molly. I would do anything for her she is my child and I do love her.
Molly. She really over all is a good kid. She has a temper AND a lack of patience. I am struggling with her. I lose my temper way WAY to often with her, I snap to often I make her cry to often. She's 2..I know this is supposed to happen. I struggle with her every day. She yells, throws fits, tells me she hates me. She switches from having a good time with me, playing games, puzzles, coloring, watching a movie to this little demon. She is a brat. I cry daily..I am just struggling! I don't know what to do. I love her I really love her..but the screaming and fighting and throwing things and tantrums and her anger. I feel like a failure. a big fat FAILURE. What kind of mother goes into her room and thinks "what a BRAT!" I find myself getting angry at her to often. I know a lot of it is me. She's just 2..I am her mom. I don't really know how to go about this. I pray often for help. It hurts. Makes me hurt. It especially hurts when she wants nothing to do with me. I try to spend as much alone time as possible with her..but with a 3 month old it's not like it was 4 months ago! I feel terrible...really like a failure as a mother. I feel so bad that I have her and struggle like this when I am witnessing so much infertility among friends and family. I feel they would be such better parents then I am and yet here I am with 2. I hate this feeling. I know this post is a jumble..it doesn't really have a flow and I"m sorry..but..these are just my thoughts..I'm hoping this will help with some of the frustration..just getting it out there..
Please don't judge me. Like I said..I LOVE her..I will do anything for her. but.I...I don't know..I'm struggling.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
background
The Coltrins
- PJ and Annie
- Him-work, electronics, outside, family Her-home, crafts, reading, sleeping little her-pink, playing, outside, daddy little him-playing rough, outside, cuddeling, mommy
Family and Friends
- Aaron and Crystal
- Andy and Melissa
- Ashel and Andrea*
- Brandon and Cassie*
- Bret and Jamie*
- Brian and Maura
- Bryan and Mindi
- Cori and Jesse
- Dan and Laurie
- Dave and Jen
- David and Kate*
- Derek and Melody
- Derek and Ruth
- Ira and Emily
- Jaxson and Joanna*
- Jay and Krista*
- Jess and April*
- Joel and Katie*
- Joey and Sarah*
- John and Allie
- Jon and Kristen*
- Keith and Andrea
- Kevin and Jenny
- Kurt and Stephanie
- Kyle and Nicole
- Loren and Katy*
- Micah and Jenn
- Michale and Tabitha
- Mike and Lianna
- Nick and Wendy
- Ryan and Jessica
- Scot and April
- Tim and Felisha
- Tyler and Deborah*
- William and Caryn
- Zach and Sara
7 comments:
Oh Annie, Please dont be so hard on your self! Rememeber who you are! You are a blessed daughter of God and Mother of his precious child and he gave you your sweet molly and Benson knowing you can handle anything they throw at you. You are a very strong woman just keep reminding your self that you are doing the best you can with what you know! The only reason I can say this is cuz I am going thourgh the same thing with mele as well right now, it got so bad the other day when we put her in her room for timeout that she almost hurt her self about 4 times because of her anger. She would kick the wall and make things fall slam her drawers so the lamp would fall off and we have pretty much taken everything out of her room so we were surprised she found more things to be destructive with. We have tried almost every method we know with her. we have figured out it really is a trial and error thing and some kids just need a little more attetion than others! But please in no means blame this on your self. It is in no way your fault! Just know she does love you. But please know I know what you are feeling and going through we are asking the same things! Just give it time it will get better I am seeing a glimpse of ours getting better. Just know you will be stronger after this stage passes. just remember he never gives us anything we cannot handle! Know I am here if you want to talk! Hope things get better soon! Please remember you are a great mother. Your friend Kara
I think of you often actually in my busy day. I remember so clearly those days being stuck at home with my kids dealing with my first born's growing pains which effected both child and MaMa. Theres no big secret or great advice anyone can give but to just survive it with regular visits to the temple for guidance. I know its hard getting to the temple with a nursing baby, but one bottle of formula every other week for one feeding wont hurt the baby and it doesnt make you a failure as a nursing mother. I look at it as just one missed feeding, one short afternoon, but huge rejuvination for not only myself but for my family and my spirit. go alone, do some pondering sit and soak in the quite spirit in the celestrial room. come home dive back into the choase and over time watch those blessing roll into your life and transform you as a mother.
theres just no easy way up out of those trenches but as I begin to find my grip and way out to the top, do know in time it will all be worth it. In just one short year molly will be in pre-school active and busy and you'll be spending those quite hours playing at the park with your son, fixing dinner, taking a much needed nap and having some down time while she spreads her wings and learns how to channel her energy and rebelion. Those are all just little windows in time before yur next babies in the future. and those trenches feel deeper and deeper with each child but as you close that chapter of child bearing years...in your life and begin climbing out of those trenches the Lord has a funny way of erasing those terrible feelings of failure and fills our hearts with wonderful loving flashbacks.
love ya girl. hang in there theres no easy way out but stay still and close to the Savior for mercy and guidance.
http://lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?lang=eng#2010-06-13-motherhood-an-eternal-partnership-with-god
Let me try this again!
http://lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?lang=eng#2010-06-13-motherhood-an-eternal-partnership-with-god
Annie, know you are not alone. You are not the first mother taxed to the max with your strong willed child. You are not the first mother to cry with how angry you get with such a little thing. You are not the first, nor the last to pray constantly to know how to control your anger and to find a better way. You are not even the first to have their child scream constantly, "I hate you!" and feel the burning sting on your cheak from tears. Know you'll make it through, some how, and that if you continue with your boundraries eventually this phase will pass into another phase you have to address differently. Parenthood isn't easy, nor predictable. There are lots of books and articles written on different parenting techniques. The church even has some really good ones on their websites. Each has it's own different ideas that you can study and ask the Lord if it is a better way for your family that way you can get some direction in your frustration as you pray. Also, don't take the phrase "I hate you" personally. Every child says it when they don't get their way - Just calmly say something like, "I am sorry you feel that way, but I still love you VERY much." More than anything, don't feel guilty for struggling. Don't let Satan tell you that you don't deserve your children because you feel this way when so many others struggle to have them. Molly and Benson chose you. For whatever reason your trial is NOT in barring children, your trial is something else. Everyones trials are designed to bring them to their knees and humble themselves before the Lord and to help them choose the LOrd as a guide. You only fail when you fail to pray for a better way. My trials are not that of infertility, but I can't nurse my babies. My trials are not that of poor health, but I can't run a triathalon. My children tax me to the max every day. I have cried many prayers asking for the Lord to help me with my yelling and anger. It is just now that I am figuring out different ways of being a kinder mom (and my oldest is 7). It has taken years to realize that all trials have a purpose - they help us realize the Lord can help change us if we invite him in daily. A habit doesn't change over night, it takes time. Find the things you can change now and that are baby steps and eventually you'll feel more incontrol of yourself and feel more love for Molly. Also, give yourself some slack, you are 4 months post-partum. While you feel great, your hormons are still not back to normal. Take some time for yourself each day (even if it is 5 minutes in the morning or right before bed that helps you reconnect with yourself). Just know you're not alone. You won't be better over night, but the simple changes work the best. Then when you feel frustrated and take a step in the wrong direction, repent and try again. Motherhood is a journey, not a destination. The journey you have chosen to walk isn't a flat surface, but a difficult incline. Hang in there. Don't feel guilty and stay strong. You can do this!
I love that you shared this. I love what Keri said to you too. I found myself tearing up a bit with what you said and what she responded with. P.S. I am pretty sure I was just like your child P.S.S. I think I am now my mother's favorite (sorry Steph) J/K
I scrolled down your blog and stopped at a random post. This is the one I landed on, and I LOVED IT! I feel this way too and mine is only one. Derek's reaction was, "well I know where she gets it from." He has some interesting stories from his days as your husbands companion. Just know that I needed to read this and it made my day :)
Post a Comment